is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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