Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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