thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
