he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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