i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
