they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
