you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
