Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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