My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
