you would pick up someone in the library
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
