im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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