did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
