Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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