He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
