So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
