I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
