dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
bring money and cleavage
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
