I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
