Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
