Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
