i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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