You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
