mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
