It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
