Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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