I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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