It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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