The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
