Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
