This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
