All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
