The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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