We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
