Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
