i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
