Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
