we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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