Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
