my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
