Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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