Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
