I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
