The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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