Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
