Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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