When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
