Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
