and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
