It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
