ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
